Bad things almost happened last...Sunday? Saturday? That whole weekend kind of ran together since I pulled that all-nighter. Anyway:

I was with Cosette in my dorm. Ed was gone for the weekend, so it was nice to have the privacy to talk about anything that crossed our minds. Kim, Anna, Ashna, and Anna's "Christian" friend Erica were with a bottle of vodka in Kim's room in the other residence hall. I had been with them earlier, but I chose to spend time with Cosette, so I left. I don't like vodka anyway, or any hard alcohol these days.
Kim and the girls were always in the back of my mind when I was in my dorm, but I figured since everyone in there was female there wouldn't be a problem. Around 3am, I got a text from Anna telling me to "bring codoms." And that's the point where I decided to call and see what was up. Anna doesn't ask for condoms, ever, very unlike her. I called Kim, she answered, said something incoherent, and I heard someone wrestling the phone from her. Some guy started talking to me, telling me that it was all good, everyone was having a good time and there's no need to come over. I didn't recognize the voice, but I recognized the tone. And quite a sober tone it was too. That's when Juan knocked on my door. I told him that we needed to get to Kim's right away. We ran over, and as soon as I got in the guy that answered the phone got in my face. He was yelling at me, asking why I came over even though he said not to and that shit. I got right back in his face--he had the kind of face you'd love to crush too. The adrenaline made my fingers start to twitch. Then, his friend got up and pulled him outside to cool down. They never came back.
There were still two guys in the room. Me and Juan put all the girls to bed, as they were wasted entirely and were thinking about finding whiskey. The two guys slept on a couple of the girls' beds. It would've been hard to move them with just the two of us, since Juan is the kind of guy that doesn't do violence. Juan like...freaked out and left. So, lights out time. Turned off the lights, people started to relax. I stood in the dark corner of the room, dressed in all black. I was pretty invisible. I stood there for awhile, just watching and listening. Then this big lad gets up and grabs Erica by the hand (maybe the drunkest, since apparently she was "stealing shots") and starts leading her toward the door. I appear out of a thin mist like a fucking creeper and put my hand on his chest. I said:
"If you fuck her, I will convict you of rape."

Quick legal sidebar: I'm 99% certain I have absolutely no authority to convict anyone in that room of rape, even if it happens. But, this oaf seemed like a bit of an idiot. He was the stereotypical big, idiotic, meathead. Thankfully.

He went red so quickly.
"Me?"
"Yes, you. If you fuck her, I will convict you of rape."
"I won't fuck her."
"If you do, I'll convict you of rape, fucker."

I still had adrenaline from before, but it turns out he was a pussy. He got flustered and went back to bed. Then for the rest of the night, it was around 4am at that time, I just stood in my dark corner, watching and listening. By morning I had been standing perfectly still for several hours straight. I felt like my back was going to collapse on itself. Anna woke up first, realized that she had made out with this random guy who's not from our school, or any school for that matter. So, I spent the early morning consoling her and holding her hand as she cried herself back to sleep in the closet.

They thanked me the next day several times. I was still pissed that they were all such children, and made such fucking juvenile mistakes. Especially since I had to leave Cosette to go babysit them.

Don't drink liquor. Seriously. Stick to something controllable, like beer, and wine, if you're me.